| Streams |
FractalRise like the sun a new and bright day about to be lived being lived Already lived Deep, dark ancient Heart Rise into pure energy a new story an old story images created in the eternal image images divided in the eternal image that energy breathtaking love about to be loved being loved already loved forever, Surya.... 11:11 - 2007-Aug-22 - comments {92} - post comment"Kindness" by Naomi Shihab Nye
Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth. What you held in your hand, what you counted and carefully saved, all this must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness. How you ride and ride thinking the bus will never stop, the passengers eating maize and chicken will stare out the window forever. Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road. You must see how this could be you, how he too was someone who journeyed through the night with plans and the simple breath that kept him alive. Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing. You must wake up with sorrow. You must speak it till your voice catches the thread of all sorrows and you see the size of the cloth. Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore, only kindness that ties your shoes and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread, only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say it is I you have been looking for, and then goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend. 01:01 - 2007-Aug-19 - comments {0} - post commentIndia!!!!!Finally writing again..I'm in India studying ashtanga yoga with the Master Pattahbi Jois and his grandson Sharat.. whooo hoooo!!All is can say about India right now is that it is the most stark combination of the angel and the devil that I could ever realize. I have seen the most spiritual of things one moment, and the lowest and saddest things the very next. Just one wild experience after another, rolling into vivid , unforgettable days.. You never know which way the wind will turn...you never know what is really good, what seems to be bad is often just what was needed... Om Shanthi to all of you.. we need peace, so much peace.. its time.... 07:44 - 2007-Aug-8 - comments {0} - post commentBeginspark of love, grown longer over years Begin again spark of love, honed stronger, many tears death a word now understood new heartbeat stirs alive and good Begin again 01:25 - 2007-May-16 - comments {0} - post commentJourney's endThis morning at approx 6:00 AM, just as the sun was risen fully, the journey that was my mom's life reached its final destination. In the end, my brother, Cork, and I became the unsure navigators of it all, and somehow we managed to hold on and steer, through all the breathtaking heartache, through the dizzying up-and-down turbulance.. until finally, cushioning her as well as we could with our hands and our hearts, we brought her life to the soft and gentle touchdown of a peaceful goodbye.I honestly can't say I'm ready to live my life without my Fig, but I know so well I have no choice. I can also say that these past many weeks of her undeserved illness has shown me so many sacred truths that it was, as all things are. totally meant to be. Often in my life I have argued with people over the nature of non-attachment, and , in my eyes, the misinterpretation of non-attachment. Many believe that non-attachment means keeping a distance between yourself and others, by shielding one's heart from pain under the belief that it is all fine in the end, that nothing really matters. Accepting responsiblility for no one, because pain is an illusion. It is all an illusion.. I believe that we are all streams from the one ocean, all rays from the same sun, and the reason we are here as individuals is to , by being rays, work to define what the sun really is.. I also believe that the ultimate and eternal goal of us all is to come together... each individual.... to unite to be what the individual rays defined.. My mom was in a horrible hospital at the end of her illness.. When she first was admitted this time around.. I spent so much time there, looking out for her, watching the nurses, constantly on their cases .. It was a chore to even get her an extra blanket when she was cold, and one night I was reduced to screaming when I found her in her room, uncovered, unwatched, the machine monitering her heartbeat not even registering. She was cold and sick and alone and afraid, and my anger got the best of me..I blew up, screaming in the halls, and one of the nurses was fired the next day. It was a horrible place, and I was afraid to even leave her alone there. As her illness progressed, she fought, tooth and nail, to get better. Her white count would rise to an incredible rate, then lower again. Some days she would be totally out of it, then the next day, surprise the nurses and be calling to them, making a joke, being tough, or afraid, or sad... and they were amazed at her. In the process of this amazement, the staff at the hospital got to know her more personally, and in this birth of personal knowledge of my mom, caring was born. As the days progressed and my mom battled on, I saw the care that she was getting change. She liked to lean on one side when she slept, and suddenly, a pillow was always there to cushion her head against the hard bed rail..She was always clean.. If she needed help and I ran for someone, I always got a smile and a response. One of the nurses, Roland, called me one morning.. , saying she had called out to him, and she knew his name.. she was doing better. He was so happy and said she was amazing and strong She became important to him. Yesterday, when she finally had a crisis that she was unable to overcome, and it became clear time was short, I stood out in the hall with Roland, and watched him fight the tears in his eyes for my Fig. He wanted to be strong and professional for me, but he told me that she had become like family to him.. I stayed at the hospital deep into the night yesterday, just waiting. My mom was not really awake, but I still did not want her to be alone when she left. Another amazing human being and nurse, Ruth, told me to go home. She said she would watch my Fig like a hawk, she knew the signs, and would call me at the first sign of change of breath. I put my trust in her because I had begun to know her personally and I went home. At 3:30 AM today, Ruth kept her promise and called me, and we were able to be with my mom in her final soft moments. In the living of this came an undying realization. The only way to solve the problems of the world today is to become personal. Unkindness, violence, apathy cannot exist as soon as the personal begins to live. The key to compassion and unity lives in the personal knowledge of others. Because of this, living with the popular idea of "non-attachment" does not ride well with me. I have a different idea of non-attachment. To me it means living it all, loving it all, experiencing it all, taking the pain, feeling it, then letting it go. Non attachment does not mean seperating from others, it means not letting the fear of pain be so strong that you cannot let it go. In the fear of pain comes the closing of the heart against pain. In the closing of the heart comes the loss of personal. In the loss of personal all things sacred are lost.. In the stomach tightening loss of my mom now, I can only sit back in wonderment of her and say I have never seen a kinder person. I can't honestly remember her ever hurting anyone on purpose. Not one person, anywhere, her whole life. I also have never seen a stronger person in the face of adversity and pain. Her love carried her through it all... I have so many good friends, like pillows, who have been there, every time I was falling, there they were beneath me.. Never allowing my sore, tired, sad self to hit the ground And Christopher, on the phone last night, the worry in his voice, saying one thing to me "Peg.... Breathe"" I love you all 02:22 - 2007-May-11 - comments {0} - post commentTime grows shortFor my mom, my FigFrom "Death" By Kahlil Gibran And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. What a battle this has been, Fig.. what a warrior you are..... I love you 11:15 - 2007-May-10 - comments {0} - post commentThree sweet words2 days ago I returned from Tanzania.. It was supposed to be a 9 day trip, but while I was there, my return flight got cancelled, and I ended up staying 12 days before I could finally and safely, make my way outta there. I am posting some photos I took, and I will write more on this remarkable place soon, but now , just a small thing.. Swahili is a beautiful, soft language, spoken in Tanzania by a strong and dignified people.. I would love to learn to speak this language, but 12 days, unfortunately, isnt enough time. While I was there, I thought about it, and I decided that if I couldnt learn the whole language well, I would try to learn 3 words that I think are most important.. These words are: Thank you... asante and........ Peace.. amani I had countless occasions to use these 3 words while I was there, and there was not one time when I spoke any of these words that I didnt get a sincere and warm smile in return.. the people, even with all their poverty .. are truly warm. They are resilient and remarkable.  and.. oh.. the animals, the animals of Africa.. they sink into my heart.. forever...  I also was very lucky to spend a few hours in Amsterdam on the way home. What an open and bright city.. I wanted to stay longer, and was so sorry to go, but before I left, I did manage this Thank you.. dank u vell and.... Peace... vrede..  In August, with any luck, I will be off to India for a yoga trip with my teacher and friend Christopher Hildebrandt.. One of the things on my agenda will be 2 weeks of Sanskrit lessons, but, besides that, you can bet I will be learning these words.. In Hindi now, again. If we all just used them wherever we went, what a bright change there might be.. I'm looking for it, I'm waiting for it... I'm expecting it.. Its time to get this straight from now on, wherever, whenever I am lucky enough to go.........  ~~om sri Gurubhyo namaha~~ I bow to the beautiful teachers.. 09:45 - 2007-Apr-30 - comments {0} - post commentSleep.... by Melissa EtheridgeAfter your skin like coffee and cream After it takes our bodies into the night After we've come to the extreme I want to lay down on your shoulder Just inside your arm I want to listen to your heart beat And your breathing on and on I want to lay down on your shoulder Surrender to your peace And go to sleep And when we've gone a million miles Made true our dreams with sweat and bone After we've built it up with our bare hands Made strong a place we can call home I want to lay down on your shoulder Just inside your arm I want to listen to your heart beat And your breathing on and on I want to lay down on your shoulder Surrender to your peace And go to sleep And when the light in my eye is fading When running water becomes too deep Finally angels turn my fire to dust And when my soul's no longer mine to keep I want to lay down on your shoulder Just inside your arm I want to listen to your heartbeat And your breathing on and on I want to lay down on your shoulder Surrender to the peace And just go to sleep 09:39 - 2007-Apr-7 - comments {0} - post commentLarger Than LifeI havent been around efx much lately. My mom, who I call Fig, has been very sick, and in the hospital,and some of the time on a respirator. Because of this iit seems like large portions of many days have blurred into just seconds of time..As far as I am concerned, there is not one coincidence, so when I received a DVD of the filming of many years past family Thanksgiving celebrations from my cousin just as my mom was getting so sick, I wasnt surprised. There she was in those films.. She seemed so much larger than life..Young, funny, beautiful, so very very alive, as opposed to the picture of her now, frail, weak, and so very very small....an eternal spark of life in a hospital bed. As I watched that video,and I thought of my Fig, I remembered all the things she has done for me and for others, all the people she has touched, the children and grandchildren she has left, the laughter, the pain, the sheer uncompromising force of her incredible will. I realized how much larger than life her life has been Now ,when I look at her in that bed, so small, so frail , but still fighting hard, I am thankful. I am thankful for what she has given me. That unstoppable, unkillable, love, that undying power of faith, the ability to laugh beyond all odds. I realize that she, in living larger than life for so long, in leaving behind so much love to carry on, when she is gone, that somehow, now, her life has become larger than her Thank you Fig.. I am so lucky.. I love you always.. 08:13 - 2007-Mar-11 - comments {0} - post commentMomentsAll time ever passed all love ever loved is brought down to each moment by the reality of timelessnes because of this all that ever has happened all that ever will happen absolutely matters in each and every moment now love exists as the one truth only experienced while riding on the illusion of time felt more strongly in the moment as an accumulation of love past felt more strongly in the moment as a tribute to love gone 05:27 - 2007-Feb-2 - comments {0} - post commentSamtosasearching for dreams but never live, content, in realization satisfaction most often a trait lost in the whirlwind of next, always better. dreaming no use at all, if, moving on to the next dream we miss, completely, the sweet, full taste of the first Finally yearning for what was and what could have been backwards wisdom after lost gratitude for what we have now, the one, perfect way to live fully eternally each moment 03:48 - 2007-Jan-17 - comments {0} - post commentFrom "Until the Night" By Billy JoelAnd the day is over When the last of the light has gone As they pour into the street I will be getting closer As the cars turn their headlights on As they're closing it down I'm gonna open it up And while they're going to sleep We'll just be starting to touch I'm just beginning to feel I'm just beginning to give I'm just beginning to feel I'm just beginning to live Before I leave you again Before the light of dawn Before this evening can end I have been waiting so long 10:33 - 2006-Dec-2 - comments {0} - post commentHappy Thanksgiving !!! 02:06 - 2006-Nov-23 - comments {0} - post commentI did it!I did it.. .I booked a flight, I reserved a place.. I'm going to Tanzania in Africa in April.. Some time studying Ashtanga at the foot of Mt Kilamanjaro... Some time with my heart and my camera and the animals of the Serengetti...WHooooo Hooooooo!! I wish It was April now!!! 
Photo from "Ashes and Snow" 12:24 - 2006-Nov-15 - comments {1} - post commentBetween
between sound and silence we sing Between black and brilliance we see Between heaven and hell we live between all and nothing we are 06:25 - 2006-Nov-11 - comments {0} - post commentVesperI know you're out there so many in one and one in so many so please... Can you focus, focus, focus on the one not yourself sinking deep inside what you think you see until you slide into the sea of being? Just being And then can you swim there through the warmth and cold of eddies and currents without surfacing back into that place where you only drown in yourself? If you can, swim now... time is short love is long 06:17 - 2006-Oct-31 - comments {0} - post commentVirabhadrasana III (From Yoga Poems-Leza Lowitz)a lantern from each side of the body- one illuminating life the other death. In the end there is only the center lit up. only light to choose. 10:38 - 2006-Oct-22 - comments {0} - post commentFrom Shawn Mullins.. "Pass it around"For Bobby....reading your autograph pages of green in seventh grade now like an epitaph alone in your room with an artist inside of you you died way too soon but I still can feel you warm, in a circle of friends how have you all been? we'd never die, just go through hell and then re group again so.. button it down so the wind won't blow it all away and pass it around like champagne on a holiday pass it around there's alot of that to go around 02:52 - 2006-Oct-15 - comments {0} - post commentnothingalive the shining piece of heart that cries always when the sparrow falls I am alive a burning love, long lost eternally felt I am alive the proof that everything, everything everything matters Not one coincidence not one wrong turn not one song heard by mistake not one moment of compassion not one spark of laughter ever lost nothing is nothing. 06:31 - 2006-Oct-7 - comments {0} - post commentWhite Buffaloso the legend goes a light of hope in times of dread so far no one knows how spirit speaks through innocent eyes grows... simmering, in the dark will the meek inherit the earth? truth soars with the lark ~We Are All Related in the Sacred Hoop of Life... May it ever be so..... Mitakuye Oyasin.~ 08:54 - 2006-Sep-18 - comments {0} - post comment
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Description A few Streams of thought to share, for anyone crazy enough to care...
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